The Half Dead

I had a dream last night that Tboz was not really dead.

I also had a call from the vet that Tboz' "remains" were ready to be picked up.

So in the dream, Tboz was with me happy and running around AND I had her remains.  Everyone just ignored the little detail that this was impossible.

I have had similar dreams starring my brother.  He'll be alive and hanging out and everyone ignores the fact that we buried him.

I don't know what these dreams mean.  Maybe they are just a way for me to enjoy the life I had with them when on this earth.  Maybe they are trying to comfort me when I am most sad and missing them.  Maybe its just my random subconscious processing stuff while I sleep.

I always wake up from these dreams a little off.  I feel a little off.

I can't bring myself to pick up Tboz' remains.  I feel like I am enjoying a bit of denial.  I'm not ready to face that place or the hard reality that she is gone.  Forever.

Sigh.  At least the crying has stopped.  But I feel guilty about that too.  I really thought that when this happened I would be inconsolable, like forever.

Ramblings.