I am finding that tears come less frequently, but the thoughts of regret and those last moments consume me.
The only loss that I can compare this to is that of my brother in 2004. How can the loss of a pet compare to the loss of a human? Love. Love is what is common. I am grieving the loss of love.
I remember going through what ifs with his death too. At that time, however, I had no idea about the stages of grief. I went to classes with my family and we learned about this and went through it together.
Perhaps the loss of my brother prepared me to better handle the loss of my sweet Tboz. I know that I am not going crazy (I totally thought I was going crazy when my brother died). I know that what I am feeling is normal and that however I handle this is appropriate.
I came across this website that helped remind me how normal my feelings are and I was comforted.
This statement stuck with me (how to feel better right now):
"...choosing to recall the better moments and not focusing solely on the death as representing the totality of the relationship..."
This is advice that has come from others. Her life was long - 17 years long - and FULL of happy memories. I was lucky to have such unconditional love, sweet kisses, long walks, ball playing and warm snuggles for 17 years. This was the totality of my relationship with Tboz, not those terrible last seconds of her life.