Friday, July 30, 2010

Food dreams

Well I'm dreaming about food again.  I just re-read my posts over at bullcitycrossfitters from during my Whole30, and I was dreaming about grains/sugar around Week 3.  This is the end of Week 2.  Kind of weird huh?

I dreamt a couple of nights ago about chocolate cake and last night about a chocolate donut.  The cake I ate and then rationalized (don't remember how I rationalized) and the donut, took one bite and decided it wasn't worth it.

I really wish I could somehow interpret my dreams because they are always telling us something.

P.S.  Ran last night with Erin again.  Same 15 minutes of 3 min run and 2 min walk.  This after a WOD that included thrusters and in 98 degree sunshine.  Run suck pattern was similar, but Erin said she thought I might be a little faster.

P.S.S.  I am so tired.  Like fall asleep during the day tired.  What's up with that?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Run Suck

So today was my first day of running practice with Erin.  That sounds so stupid.  Running practice.  Seems like you learn to run as a child and thats that.  Why would you need to practice?  Because of the run suck.

Run suck is when you are running and it sucks.

Genius right?  I know.  I am very smart.

My run suck was at an all time high after yesterday's WOD.  But today, after just one practice with Erin, I feel like my run suck got a little better.

First we did the WOD.  Then we started our run practice.  We ran a total of 15 minutes.  3 minutes run, 2 minutes walk X 3 times.  Totally doable and very different from yesterday.  We were not in a race, just going for a run.  The first round - my run suck was at an 8.5 out of 10 (10 being where I was yesterday).  Definitely aware of the lack of time passing.  First walk break, I asked how fast we needed to walk and Erin told me this was recovery and we could just walk normally.  I was like oh I can handle this.  Second round my run suck was at about 7.  Third round, we were actually conversing.  Dare I say it was borderline pleasurable?  Run suck = 6.

So all in all - a total of 2.5 run suck point improvement in one practice.  Not bad after my first practice, no?  I'm not sure how it got better over time, but it did.  I think it helped to have Erin run WITH me at MY pace.  So I was never feeling rushed or like I was behind (which is typical).  And we were talking (OK, maybe Erin was doing more talking and I was panting words out, but still).  Definitely don't converse during a WOD.  Oh, and it was like 80 degrees and cloudy (but with high humidity).  Much better running conditions than yesterday.

So thanks Erin.  Can't thank you enough.

P.S.  Got some hip pain - but its new hip pain.  Trying to ignore.

P.S.S.  I really want to discuss a post my friend Ashley posted from the folks over at Whole9, but I don't feel like getting into to it tonight.  Take a look and maybe I'll discuss my thoughts tomorrow.  Here is a post for some background of why I want to discuss.

P.S.S.S  Here is my dinner from tonight.  Bison "Lasagna" - ground bison + onion + garlic + Newman's Own tomato sauce over baked zucchini (with olive oil and garlic).  Fodder for aforementioned discussion.
Bison "Lasagna"

Monday, July 26, 2010

Negative Nancy

So tonight was Nancy at Crossfit.  Freakin Nancy.

Nancy is 5 rounds of 400m run / 15 Overhead Squats (Rx was 65 lbs, I went with 45lbs).

Let me paint the picture for the start of Nancy.  It was a brisk 95ish degrees.  Oh, excuse me, this was a cool front from the 102 it was yesterday.  Freakin Nancy.

I strolled in thinking, good, this will be a decent test for how I will run the dash.  The dash is about 3-4 miles with WOD's in between.  So Nancy was like a third of what the dash will be.  Freakin Nancy.

The dash is on 28 Aug, so it will be m effing hot then too.  Freakin Nancy.

Blog friends, it was ugly.  I was a full round behind everyone else.  I think I ended with a time of 20:24.  Fail.


What have I done?  I fear that I am in way over my head with this race.  I have to do 3 Nancy's plus some extra stuff like running stairs and climbing walls?  Oh my geez.  OH HOLY COW!

Sigh...but I will survive.  I will survive!

Uh oh, I'm about to break out in song*...

Oh Negative Nancy go - walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with hip pain
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as I know how to run
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my life to give
and I'll survive

I digress.

So I also tried out my new kicks today.  No hip pain yet!  Score!

Here is a picture of dinner from this evening.  Grilled raspberry chipotle marinated pork chop topped with avocado and cilantro.  Lots o' broccoli.  This was OK.  Not the best, but OK.  Asparagus would have been a better side.  Plus my cute dishes were dirty - these are OK, but not my fave.  Presentation is everything.

Finally, a happy end note.  My fun tank tops from my new friends over at paleoblocks arrived today!  I can't wait to wear them!

*thanks Gloria Gaynor for some awesome lyrics to play with

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Week in review - July 19

This week has gone pretty well.  Monday was pretty terrible as my body went through crap food withdrawal.  But after that, no problemo and body is once again cooperating with me.  

I'm pretty paleo.  I have had some condiments that aren't paleo in the strict circles, but I am allowing them to make eating more fun.  Also, I accidentally had a fake beer at this wine festival (they didn't have fake wine - wait - I didn't even ask them if they did - crap).  I am serious that it was an accident - I wasn't even thinking and just ordered it. I guess I was more focused on my foods rather than beverages.   Anywho - it happens.  No biggee.  It was refreshing as it was a pavement egg frying 100 degrees.

My breakfasts are generally 2 hard boiled egg whites + 2 slices of whole foods bacon + pear and sunbutter.  Lunch is usually a big ass salad with chicken, sunflower seeds and olive oil and then some fruit.

Dinners are where I like to switch it up.  I'd say my cooking style is KISS (keep it simple stupid).  Usually meat or fish and a veggie.  And usually grilled.

I'll start posting some pictures - here is my dinner from tonight:

This is Wahoo steak marinated in teriyaki sauce and grilled.  Sided with brocolini (drizzled with teriyaki sauce) and watermelon for dessert.  This was awesome and I would definitely recommend that you run, not walk to your nearest fishery to purchase Wahoo.  It was buttery and delicious.

I feel great when I eat this way.  Why is it so hard to remember how great you feel when cupcakes tempt you?  Damn cupcakes.

I had planned on running at least twice this week in addition to my regular workouts, but I did not.  I did, however, meet with my Crossfit buddy and super kick ass runner, Erin to talk about running.  She has graciously (and perhaps unwittingly with regards to me possibly hating her and saying many many f words) agreed to help me learn to run.   We are going to run twice a week together until the big dash.  Thanks Erin.  

I also went to Fleet Feet in Carrboro to get some new kicks that hopefully will allow me to run hip pain free.  Will test them out this week!

Here is my exercise recap for the week:
Crossfitted:  4 times
Spun:  2 times
Yoga'd:  1 time

The schedule was 6 days on 1 day off.  I am not sure that worked very well because by Saturday I was too pooped to do well in my yoga class.  I have done this schedule before and not had problems - so we'll see how it goes this week.  I want to listen to my body, but I also want to train and be prepared for the ole dash.  My body said rest today and I did.  Yay rest!  

I should mention that I have lost 9 pounds this week.  But this is typical after hard core carbapalooza.  Its mostly water that I gained from all of the carbs and sugary processed crap.  Also, just goes to show how bloated people are that eat crap.  And how uncomfortable it must be (oh it is, it is indeed).

I am single.  Damn it.  Apparently, word on the street is that my husband is not going to come knocking on my door.  You mean I have to put myself out there?  Yes, yes you do.  Damn it.

So I think this is totally connected to my health.  So perhaps I will periodically report on my social endeavors.  It could be comical, but I am thinking it will probably just be sad.  I'm just sayin'.

Anywho - I put myself out there on one of those online dating things.  FULL of whammies.  Sigh...

Also, I put myself out there at aforementioned wine festival.  And imagine my surprise when I actually enjoyed myself...while talking to a boy.

Holy Hannah this was a super long post.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Time to be comfortable being uncomfortable

It was a good weekend for inspiration.  I watched the Crossfit Games this weekend in almost its entirety.  They broad casted the whole thing live over the Internet.  It was m'effing awesome.  Those athletes are beyond amazing.  They inspire me to be / do better.  *Note:  The games also made me realize that Rich Froning, Jr. should definitely be my husband.

I bet those athletes were totally uncomfortable the whole weekend and most likely much of the time leading up to the games.  
"Only people willing to work to the point of discomfort on a regular basis 
using effective means to produce that discomfort 
will actually look like they have been other-than-comfortable most of the time."  Coach Rip
That is one skill I need to work on.  Being comfortable with being uncomfortable.  It is only during the moments of discomfort that you have an opportunity to change or learn something new.  Think about it.  This applies to anything in life.  Change can only come when staying the same is more uncomfortable than the discomfort of change.

I am very uncomfortable right now.  It is time to change.  And it is serious time (I believe this is a Mitchelism).

I just deleted a whole bunch of this post.  Because I want to be honest here.

Food and I are emotionally connected.  Happy or sad, excited or bored, celebration or loneliness - all emotions are directly related to food.  Food is my escape for whatever emotion I am feeling.  I think feeling makes me uncomfortable.  Feelings are scary.  This is terrible, because there are some really good feelings to be had!  Mmmm....Rich Froning...

I digress.

I REALLY want this to change.  The closest I have come to changing this emotional relationship with food has been at the end of my Whole30.  I just didn't give it enough time to stick.

I am also uncomfortable with my running especially as it pertains to the upcoming Metro Dash.  And fear and rejection.  Whoops.  Feelings reared their ugly head again.  I am fearful that my lack of running skills will cause my fellow teammates to reject me.  There I said it.  Insecurity.  Ugly ugly quality.  This must change.  *Note:  CANNOT be insecure if wanting to find mate.  New priority - increase confidence.

Best way to increase confidence?  Sign up for and finish freaking hard race with fellow crossfitters who are super supportive and motivating.  Another way to increase confidence...lift more heavy shit, run a little and lose some pounds/inches.

Plan:  Eat good / real food.  No processed crap.  Skip grains, dairy and legumes.  Get fit to finish freaking hard race.  Increase confidence and find man to smooch (I'm just sayin...).

So friends, here comes discomfort.  I've gotten my head in the right place, stocked my fridge with paleo goodness and made myself a little inspiration sign.  And when things get tough, I have to remember that it is OK to be uncomfortable and that if I breathe through it, it will pass and I will make it through.

Change is a comin'. 

P.S.  I am including this photo I found of me after losing 30 pounds.  I'll bet I was uncomfortable then.  That's why I made a change.  I am including a photo from last weekend.  Big difference if you ask me.  Even in my eyes.  Totally uncomfortable.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Planes, trains and automobiles - OK, just planes

As a fat person, plane rides were always stressful.  Was I going to fit in the seat?  Would I need a seatbelt extender?  Are the people coming down the aisle hoping they don't have to sit next to the fat girl?  All planes were not created equal.  Some had longer seatbelts, wider seats.  I never knew what I was going to find. 

I used to go to a fat group for support once a month or so and when I told them of my fears, they said to just hide the seatbelt under my shirt when this happens.  There were many times I had to struggle to get the seatbelt to close, but there was only one time that the seatbelt wouldn't fit around me and it was terrible and humiliating and I did as the fat group suggested and still felt terrible.  I quit the fat group not long after that because I thought the group was perpetuating the cycle vs. actually doing something about it. 

I recall my first flight after I had lost a significant amount of weight.  Got on the plane with the usual fears and sat in my seat.  No problems fitting.  Put the seatbelt on with room to spare!  SUCCESS!  Seriously - it is the little things in this journey.

I've been on lots of planes since and started to not think about it anymore.  Until today.

Today I took a chartered flight to Orlando for work.  I make sure and tell you it was chartered because I think the upgrades airlines have made to make flights more comfortable (read, adapt to the fatty mcfatty nation we have become) had not yet been made.  So I get on the plane and sit in my seat.  An aisle.  I buckled my belt fine.  Plenty of room in the seat.  Crossed my legs and started reading my book (Primal Blueprint btw - gearing up for my hardcore training starting next week).

I looked down and saw that there was slack in the belt, but not alot.  I thought, geeze, if there isn't alot of slack for me, I bet others are having problems getting the seatbelt to close.  And I looked across the aisle and saw a very obese lady who sure enough was having difficulties.  She was sitting in the middle seat.  She had an extender.  She was struggling to get the armrest all the way down.  She couldn't bend over to get something under her seat.  I wondered how terrible she must feel.  And how awful it must have been to ask for an extender in front of an entire plane full of co-workers.  But she was laughing and talking to her neighbors.  There is NO WAY she was feeling good though right?  I couldn't stop staring because all I could think about was how GRATEFUL I was that it wasn't me.  As her neighbor got up to go to the toilet, I continued to stare and watched empathetically as she struggled with the armrest.

It is nice to have tangible things to measure your weight loss success.  These same tangible things can remind you when you have slipped or slacked off.  Week long carbapalooza before hard core training can bloat you right out of your seatbelt.  Something to think about as I make my food choices tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010


So I've got this new blog...whadya think?  

I kept waiting to start actually using it until I had something good to say.  I realized that the point of my blog is to provide me with a platform to just say anything.  It doesn't have to be "good".

Good or not, this post is a doozy.  

So I will just start by saying that my confidence has been shaken for awhile.  Various things attribute to my "shaken confidence" syndrome, but I won't go into that.  You need confidence to be successful in just about every aspect of your life, including your health and fitness goals.  What do you do when you lose it?  To start, I think you need some small wins.  Hit some goals.  Remind yourself that you are badass and can finish what you start.  

So I am shooting for a few small wins that I hope will help me get a pretty big win.  Wanna know what I have planned?

  • Well first, I've gotta get my diet back in line to help me with my weight loss and general well being.  I've flirted with the same 10 pounds for 2 months.  Someone asked me today what I was up to, as far as weight loss goes, and I had to say "just 100 still".  And I was embarrassed.  
    • First of all, in weight loss, the word "just" should never come before 100.  100 pounds is a shit-ton of weight and I need to remember that and be proud that I have maintained that kind of loss for these 2 months.  I have had some massive backslides which could have easily contributed to GAINING 10 pounds (and then some).  But I stopped them before they were out of control.  So YAY ME! for maintenance.
    • Second, that was a fair question.  And it reminded me that people had been looking to me for success and inspiration and I fizzled.  Granted, I am not doing this for anyone other than myself, but I am mindful of my influence on others who struggle.  I am grateful for that and would like to earn their respect once again.
    • So I will be going strict paleo when I return from vacation and a work trip.  July 19 - its on.
  • Second, I want to get to the point that the stupid BMI thing no longer calls me obese.  When this happens, I am giving myself a little present.  I will be getting my nose pierced.  Yes, I am 36 and a professional.  I really don't give a flying flip flop what anyone thinks about that.  I want it.  I will earn it.  And I will remember my accomplishment every time I see it (or sneeze, or have a boog).
  • Third, and oh my goodness I feel sick about it already, I am entering a competition.  A running competition.  With obstacles.  Oh my geez, what have I done.  Its called the MetroDash.  Check it out here.  This is some serious motivation to do points one and two above.  Oh my.

My friend Ashley promises me that I can do it.  I know I can do it.  And when I'm done doing it, I am going to feel awesome about myself and hopefully, I will find my confidence again.

So stay tuned peeps.  Send positive vibes my way.  Encourage me if you see me, I'll need it!

*For background on me and how I have arrived at this point...check out the Bullcity Crossfitters blog.