Thursday, December 16, 2010

Caved - I mean didn't deprive

So I REALLY wanted cake.  I don't know why.  Well, I mean I do love cake (que a fat kid loves cake, check it, 3:03)...but I was going to wait til my birthday to eat a really good cupcake. But I didn't.  I caved, I mean tried to not deprive myself.

Sometimes if you want something and can't get it out of your head, I think you should have it.  Otherwise, if you try an alternative or fight it, you sometimes end up eating the alternative and the remaining contents of your fridge.

WW allows for the scratching of an itch like this.  You get the extra splurge points.

This week, I used all of my splurge points on random things like going out to eat with friends.  So I had just a few splurge points left, but still enough to enjoy a piece of cake.

Bought a slice of yellow cake with chocolate buttercream icing from Target (I think their secret recipe rhymes with etty focker) with full intentions of only eating half of it.  Just enough to scratch the itch.

I ate the whole damn thing.  Stupid cake.  3 pound weight gain overnight and weigh in day today.

Cake and I really shouldn't play together.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Paleo - Deprivation in Disguise?

Before I open up this discussion - just a brief update.  I am so still in stretchy pants.  Freakin' real pants.  I put some jeans on the other day, really hoping for the best, and thought I looked pretty good...until I sat down.  Hello giant muffin top.  Funny how your fat becomes so apparent when you sit down.  Sigh.  I remain steadfast in my efforts.  The muffin top is not going away on its own.

What the New WW Kind of Looks Like:
I mentioned, Weight Watchers (WW) started up a new program.  It's been nearly 13 years since they developed the "Points" program and thus, 13 years since anything completely new has been developed.  The new program is really a new and improved version of the "Points" program.

Now called "Points Plus", the program focuses less on how many calories a food has but more on the make up of those calories.  The make up of those calories is what is used to calculate a food's point value.  You are assigned a points target to eat to and are given some extra points for splurges, special occasions and frankly, so you can live life.

Foods higher in fiber, lower in fat, lower in carbohydrate and higher in protein are best choices and are assigned a lower points value.  Fruit and vegetables have a points value of zero nudging you to chose them for snacks over say the thousands of "100 calorie packs" that litter our supermarkets.

WW built the program based on the latest science around how your body processes foods and how the body uses the food for fuel.  In short, fat and carbohydrates are not used as efficiently as protein and fiber are when fueling your body.  This science is pretty similar to Paleo science.

How I'm Doing on It:
I am a week or so into this new program and I haven't had to change much about how I am eating.  I haven't had to change much, because my meal choices are mostly paleo-y and low in points.  Some paleo-y items are high points and I have to limit them, but so should you;  Avocados, nuts and oils are still high in points value because they are calorically dense.  You can easily over do them, which can significantly impact your weight loss efforts.  Guess what remains relatively unchanged?  BACON!

The fact that others in my meetings are struggling to eat at or below their points target, and I am eating well below my target, leads me to believe that what I learned eating Paleo has been helpful and that in part, WW must agree with the Paleo concepts.

The thing I have had to change most are my thoughts about food.  The fact remains that you can eat ANYTHING you want while on WW as long as you are accountable for it.  
This past week, I ate cheese again.  Nay, I bought and loaded up my cart with cheese.  And I eat a little when I want to.  I bought English Muffins again.  And I eat one when I want to.  And by god I bought chocolate.  And I eat a little (or alot) when I want it.  But friends, this has been hard to do.  I have felt some trepidation buying these things.  Almost like I was doing something wrong.  How weird is that?

Yeah, But You've Eaten These Things While Paleo...: 
And this is where I think deprivation comes into play.  These things were not allowed in your Paleo diet. Because they caused inflammation or similar science-y stuff.  All rational reasons, but my brain didn't care about the science.  My brain just knew that it was never going to enjoy chocolate or pizza again.  But if somehow some slipped by my brain and into my belly (aka cheat meal, ragefest, epic meal), all hell broke loose and it was a carbapalooza indeed.  This last carbapalooza lasted a good month and a half and is one I am just coming off of.  And I have a muffin top to show for it.

Would a carbapalooza be inevitable if all along chocolate and cheese were acceptable and available foods for me? I'm not sure.  What I am sure of is that I lost 100 pounds losing roughly 1 pound a week while eating chocolate and pizza on a pretty consistent basis.  How?  By being accountable for it.

So, Do You Think Paleo is Deprivation in Disguise?
For me, I think so.  However, I have to say that I stand firmly behind the Paleo science and think it could do wonders for our obese population riddled with Type II Diabetes and Heart Disease....  BUT, as someone who comes from a long history of food issues, I think WW prepares me to kick some serious weight loss ass while regularly enjoying pizza and chocolate.  Thus, avoiding feeling deprived.

To be sure, WW has some components of deprivation.  Like depriving me of eating a dozen chocolate chip cookies in one sitting or eating a whole pizza pie in one sitting.  But honestly, there should be stop gaps in place for this kind of thing regardless of your eating lifestyle!  Sigh.

OK, So What's the Bottom Line with Weight Loss on the New WW?

I am down 2.8 el-bees.  Not bad for one week's time.  

Now, the bigger picture...I have been reflecting back on this year in regards to my weight loss efforts and I have lost a big goose egg this year.  I am the exact same weight as I was last year at this time.  Oh sure, I've lost weight.  But I have gained it right back.  And the mental anguish that these ups and downs (sometimes severe ups and downs like 10 pounds in a week) have caused me has been terribly upsetting.  I am tired not only of these ups and downs, but tired of my muffin top and stretchy pants.

So here's to no more deprivation.  Lets see if it gets and keeps me back on track.  

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Living a Lie in Stretchy Pants

Stages of Change* - the stretchy pants version:

  1. Precontemplation:  Stretchy pants are totally acceptable, I mean they are really comfortable.  I still look good.  I'm just having a few treats to feel better - I just got robbed after all.
  2. Contemplation:  OK, real pants aren't fitting and now I have a noticeable muffin top (link just for my friend Phil).  But thats OK - I have stretchy pants and they are comfortable.  I still look OK and I don't feel like working hard to get out of stretchy pants.  I am having a hard time with life stuff now.  I am being comforted. 
  3. Preparation/Determination:  No more stretchy pants.  This is making me feel really bad about myself.  I sure need to make some changes.  OK, I will enjoy the mother of all stretchy pant holidays blissfully.  Yay Thanksgiving food!  But then, on Monday, I will be working towards putting real pants on.  I will do what it takes to fit in real pants again.  I WILL NOT BUY NEW CLOTHES.
  4. Action/Willpower:  Must get in real pants.  I will CROSSFIT and watch what I eat.  There is a new Weight Watchers program.  Kind of paleo-y.  I will do this and be dedicated to working the program.  I will try real pants on everyday.  And I will try not to get sad if I have to keep wearing stretchy pants.  I will just keep working.  I will think about real pants when I don't feel like working.  This is where I am now friends.
  5. Maintenance:  Where I want to be!  I will be able to wear real pants any time I want.  Anything in my closet will fit!  Maybe I will have to buy new clothes.  YES!
  6. Relapse: no no no!  Must not put stretchy pants on to avoid the reality of real pants.  Real pants don't lie!
Me (3rd from the right) in some stretchy pants during a time in which I felt no shame wearing them.  I worked my ass off in those stretchy pants.  
Enjoy this wonderfully horrible video I found about a different kind of stretchy pants...Totally work and family inappropriate, but so terrible its like a car wreck.  Can't stop watching...

*The Stages of Change Model credited to James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente - used to treat addictions starting in the late 70's. 

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


I've always hated journaling, because I think I need to write a novel and that it needs to be perfect.  I am throwing that out and just writing a couple of words, maybe not even in a straight line and totally fragmented sentences.  I'm OK with that.

I've started (OK, its only been 2 days) writing down what I am thankful for before I go to bed as a part of this journaling.  Sort of what I give gratitude to...

Yesterday, I wrote that I was grateful for being able to see a tiny window of the old T-Boz from many years ago.  She was frisky and running (!) and playing with the neighbor dog, Oz.  Oz is a big ole husky dog and T-Boz loves him.  Seeing them "play" together is one of my favorite things.  It usually only lasts a minute or less.  T-Boz goes up to him and sniffs his nose and then runs off.  Pees.  And then Oz follows and pees.  Its my favorite.  Yesterday she did this several times and then ran around.  It was the best, and I am truly grateful for the joy that T-Boz has brought to my life.
My Sweet Poo Bear

Saturday, October 30, 2010


Is this thing still on?

So since my last post the following has occurred:


  • My house was burgled. I wasn't robbed as I keep telling people as robbery's involve facing the dude who wants to rob you.  Thankfully, I was not home.  But T-Boz was.  Poor thing.  She was robbed.  And she is deaf, so of course they probably scared the poo out of her.  But I don't recall seeing poo.
  • I visited the ER and then stayed awhile with a nasty infection to a blister.  Yes, I said a blister.  How in the H does a blister send you to the ER?  It gets infected with staph, thats how.  
Really, I have been having a good ole pity party.  I know things are far worse for many other people, but my problems are still my problems that I have to live with.  But I can certainly make efforts to change my attitude and focus on the glass being half full.

My glass half full response:

  • They did not hurt TBoz.  I have super friends who have supported me and comforted me (and still do).  I have fantastic insurance that replaced my stuff (minus my effing deductible).
  • I did not die.  I still have my foot.  I have super friends who have supported me and helped me when I couldn't help myself.  I got the blister from walking around the fair.  I had fun at the fair (but not worth a trip to the ER, OK that was a half empty response).
I have been relying on ole trusty coping mechanisms.  Overeating (and all the bad stuff, none of the good green stuff - its all shades of brown or yellow) and Isolation.  I HATE asking for help.  HATE IT.  So I just shut myself off from the world.

I need new coping mechanisms.  I will begin making a concerted effort to build a new arsenal of coping tools.  Sigh.  This is going to be hard.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

What a difference a few good days make...

I am definitely feeling better today.  I might even feel a tiny tiny teensie bit badass.  Mostly, its because I am eating better and exercising (and not beating myself up).

My breakfasts are the same pretty much everyday - 2 egg whites (although now having SOME yolk because they are farm fresh and I am supposed to taste the difference in the yolk), 1-2 slice(s) of bacon (2 slices if I don't eat the egg yolk) and a piece of fruit.

Lunches are the same pretty much everyday - big ass salad, cucumbers, bell pepper, protein of the day (like chicken or whatever I have for leftovers), fruit (grapes are my go to for salad) and 1/4 avocado.

Dinners are where I mix things up and try new things.  Here are a couple of pictures of my last 2 dinners.  I really don't use recipes much, nor do I pay attention to measuring stuff - but I did actually use a recipe this weekend.

I tried a new crock pot recipe on Sunday.  I love crock pot sundays.  Fix and forget.  The recipe was in a crockpot cookbook that I need to give credit to, but I cannot for the life of me remember which one it was - sorry crockpot people.
The basics directions are:

  • salt and pepper 2 lbs of pork loin and put in bottom of crockpot
  • dump 1 chopped apple, sweet potato (large) and red onion on top
  • mix in separate bowl 1/2 tsp salt, 1/2 tsp pepper, 2 Tbsp brown sugar and 1 Tbsp apple cider vinegar and then dump on top of the whole thing
  • Crank the crock pot on to low and put the lid on.  Walk away and come back in 6-8 hours.

This was awesome and I highly recommend it.  I think you could cut out the brown sugar or at least half it.  And it makes delicious leftovers!  I've even put some of the pork on my big ass salad for lunch.

Big Ass Salad - mexican style
Ok, then tonight I whipped up this awesome salad:
layer the following:

  • greens
  • grape tomatoes
  • orange bell pepper
  • steamed corn off the cob (OMG - I don't care if corn is not paleo it is delicious and grew from the ground and isn't processed)
  • ground beef with sauteed onions and garlic, seasoned with chile powder, cumin, cinnamon, garlic salt.  I don't know how much of each spice - I just sprinkle it on and hope for the best.
  • top with a scoop of guacamole

*TIP - did you know Sam's has an awesome selection of fruits and veggies?  They are not all organic, but some are (like the greens) and are super cheap.  If you eat as much of the good stuff as I do, you can buy this stuff in bulk and it won't waste.

Hoping for an even better tomorrow!

P.S.  I did Fight Gone Bad 5 this past weekend - I forgot how freakin hard this WOD is - check out this face on the left - that is me - the first one  - I look like I am about to die.  This is me on the right when I finished - yes, it was that terrible.  However, when I do lay out on the floor like this, I know I have worked as hard as I possibly can and all you can do is lay on the floor and leave a sweat angel.

Photo from Jonathan
Totally unflattering photo by Jonathan

Monday, September 27, 2010

Power Day

November 9 is my power day.  I just realized that this was coming up.  This year is a big one too.

I honestly can't recall why I call this day my power day.  The gist of this day is that I celebrate the anniversary of doing something SUPER difficult.  I acknowledge and remember the perseverance and determination it took to do this something.

This year I am celebrating the 10th and 5th anniversary of quitting smoking and drinking respectively.

I smoked for 15 years people.  15 years!  I quit cold turkey 10 years ago.  A group of my friends decided to quit and we picked November 9 as our date to quit.  I didn't really want to quit, I LOVED smoking, but I was subjected to peer pressure.  Anyway, I haven't taken a single drag since.  Not one.  And, I'm the only one out of that group that remains successfully smoke free.

And the drinking - well lets just say Melinda likey the drink way too much.  So I quit cold turkey with that November 9 as well.  I purposefully picked November 9 to quit drinking to remind me that if I quit smoking, I could do anything.

This year for my power day, I am going to work towards reaching a weight that, by BMI standards, no longer classifies me as obese.  That is 179 pounds.  I know the BMI is crap, but I don't want to be obese on anyone's charts.  I got really close during the paleo challenge, but then I effed it all up and have a ways to go now.  Essentially, I need to lose 30 pounds in 43 days.  Wow, I think that is not likely.  But, I am going to try.  And wow, wouldn't that be something to celebrate on my power day!

I have tried to reach this goal before, but I haven't tried to use my power day powers to reach it.  Activating super power day powers today!

FYI - I'm back on the Weight Watcher wagon.  It works for me.  I'm going to eat mostly paleo, but use Weight Watchers to track my food and manage the amount I am eating.  Weight Watchers also helps me manage "cheat meals" - but really this just means, you can eat anything on Weight Watchers as long as you are accountable for it.

Wish me luck friends.  Its a mother flippin life long battle.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

A message to my body from my brain

Dear body,

I'm so sorry to have been treating you as a human garbage pail the last few weeks.  I've fed you cakes, pizza, burgers, and various baked goods in massive quantities.

I can understand why you have reacted the way you have.  The bloating, heart palpitations,  gas, swollen feet, chest pain, and the overall jiggling of your parts are all normal reactions to ingesting crap food.  The crap food is spewing excess insulin and causing widespread inflammation.

This excess insulin and inflammation can cause all sorts of nasty irreversible damage to you.  Diabetes, Heart Disease and hypertension are just a few of the nasty diseases I am setting you up to get.  This is already in your genes, so we have to work extra hard to keep these diseases at bay.

In addition, you are sending horribly hurtful messages to me.  So many so, that I am having a terrible time trying to fight them off. These hurtful messages are making me think I am not good enough and a failure.  I am therefore keeping us isolated from our friends.  I would much prefer you send me messages of well being and kindness.  Maybe even some of hope and forgiveness.

I see that my actions are causing these things to happen.  We must remember that if the problem is not hunger, it cannot be solved with food.

Consider this my wake up call.  Only I can stop this cycle of hurtful behavior.  I will do my best to make better choices when it comes to what I feed you.  I will keep track of what I feed you and I will ask for help when I find myself reaching for crap.

Looking forward to new messages being sent.

M's brain

P.S.  You are no longer fitting into your clothes.  This really must stop.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The Holy Grail of Run Suck - the MetroDash!

Enter and finish five mile obstacle course challenge thing - CHECK!

Holy crap people!  I did it!  I really did it!

2008 morbidly obese, totally out of shape Melinda would have NEVER believed that this was possible.  I mean climbing one flight of stairs or walking T-Boz up our neighborhood "hill" left me panting like T-boz on a hot day.

But 2010 badass athlete Melinda now BELIEVES anything is possible!  Bring it on life!
I got a bib and everything!  I'm legit!

Here is a recap of the challenge:

Map and Challenges were announced the week prior.  The MetroDash people tell you the challenge points and what order to do them, but it was up to you to determine the route.

My team was coming in at all different times and to be honest, there was no plan or strategy.  We hadn't even gotten together as a team prior to the big day.  The team was pretty laid back about the whole thing.  I on the other hand was super nervous and really needed to know what to expect.

So my two awesome friends and I came in the night before and prepared by driving the course and finding possible cut throughs.  They had me memorize my route.  I was so nervous and they were so helpful.  We then had a steak dinnah...(special inside joke).

Then, we got up and arrived and I caught up with my team.  There was still no plan so I was really anxious.  I needed some sort of stability to ease some of the nerves.

Whatever.  Last minute, the rule guy, who wasn't the most inspiring, said no cut throughs in the cemetary.  YIKES!  All of my routes started and / or ended in the cemetary.  So much for preparation.  However, my preparation did come in handy later on when I could help out with directions.

So we were off.  In total, the course was about 4.9 miles in length.  There were 6 Challenge Points.  Each Challenge Point had a suggested number of reps for men and women.  For the first 2 challenge points, I did as many as I could which was usually more than the suggested number.  Later, I did only the suggested number - it was enough.  I should also note, it was quite warm and humid.  I was grateful to have practiced in the heat.

The whole plan to do run/walk cycles was out the window almost immediately.  I was just running when I could and walking when I felt like I couldn't run.  I think I could say I ran at least half if not more of it.

The first Challenge Point was about 3/4 mile from the start and was Tabata* Squats.

*Tabata is a type of timed exercising:  do 20 seconds of all out effort followed by 10 seconds of rest for a total of 8 rounds.

The second Challenge Point was about 1/4 mile from there and was Tabata Push Ups.  From there it was about 1/2 mile back to the start for the "Gauntlet".  So far, no rest in between challenges or running.  Run Suck was about 8-9 at this point.

Tire Flips!  Sled dragging in background...
The "Gauntlet" included TRX rows, tire flips, slam ball, box jumps, kettle bell swings, sled pulling and getting over an 8ft wall.  Now on paper, I was not at all concerned about the "Gauntlet".  However, at the first station I was concerned.  It was hot, I was so thirsty and already very tired.  But I just kept moving.  I was starting to think I may not be able to finish.  I was so fatigued and was not even half-way through!

The Wall of Team Effort
Approaching the 8 ft wall, and feeling defeated, my team begins to assemble around to help me.  As I began to climb up, with plenty of pointers from my team, I started thinking that I am totally going to be able to get over this wall.

Giggly Melinda
Well, I allowed my team to help me and I got over that damn wall.  And I was so proud and happy!  Of course I got all giggly.  Then I found some confidence, which I needed, to get me through the next portion of the challenge.

Challenge Point 4 was about 1.5 miles away and was lunges and bear crawls.  Did I mention it was ONE AND A HALF MILES AWAY?

I was still riding the wall high and so I got hydrated and off I went.  I ran / walk the 1.5 miles people.  And it felt like FOREVER.  I thought we would never get there.  I had driven it the night before, and it felt like forever in a car too, so at least I knew what to expect.  The good thing for me to maintain my confidence was to see MANY of my fellow challengers walking.  It was like we were all on the same page.  Which surprised me.  Now don't get me wrong - there were a slew of people blazing through and passing and lapping us and what not (most of these yelled encouraging stuff at us), but there were also plenty who struggled just like me.  Plus, my pals were driving to the next challenge and shouting encouragement as they drove by.

Run Suck was weird right here.  It was like kind of bad, maybe a 6 and then after awhile, it was like a 4.  I know, weird right?  But this had happened in practice too.  Its like the more you do it, the less the suck factor.  Which is counter-intuitive if you ask me.  And, I noticed that when I felt like it was a 4, my head tilted to the right.  WTF is that about?  What am I Forest Gump?  Anywho - not saying I didn't walk a whole lot, but the running I did do didn't suck as bad as it did in the beginning.

Lunges and Bear Crawls
So we got to Challenge Point 4 and the lunges and bear crawls were no big deal, except for we were doing them in grass full of goose poo.  I was starting to have some fun at this point.  Well, at least I was a bit more relaxed.  Finally.  I think it was because I was almost halfway finished and I actually believed I was going to finish this bitch.

Challenge Point 5, Tabata Star Jumps was about 3/4 mile away.  ALMOST EVERYONE walked.  It was all uphill.  Brutal.  I kind of even think we were strolling by this point.  Perhaps everyone was exhausted.  Thank goodness my friends had driven over to Challenge Point 4 because they were able to give us hydration.  So we hydrated on the way to Challenge Point 5.

Challenge Point 6 (the last one!!!) was Tabata Situps and was about 1/3 mile away and not uphill, so the running began again.  The run suck factor here was probably at 6 again.  I started feeling my hips after the walking.

From there we were in the homestretch.  About 1/2 mile away was the finish line and I couldn't believe I had done this.  Run Suck was maybe 5 at this point.  Here comes the head tilt.  I just wanted to get there.  I could see me and that finish line.  Run Forest!  Run!

Mother Effing Finisher!

And I FINISHED!  It ended up taking me just under 2 hours.  I never really looked at my time, but this is what I was told.  All I cared about is the fact that I crossed that line.  They handed me a sweet finisher's medal and I immediately looked for my people.  I hugged my 2 pals and got pretty teary.  I think I was just so amazed that I had done this.  And relieved.  And maybe content.  All that preparation and anxiety and nerves and fear and expectation and training - falling off me crossing that line.  Relief.  Yes, I believe it was relief.

I am proud of myself - this was a tough one mentally and physically.  Would I do it again?  Not sure.  I think I might.  Warrior Dash anyone?

I do want to thank my coach (Satan, aka Erin) for helping me learn to run. But more importantly, for believing in me and encouraging me when I needed it most.  She took time out from her life, to help me.  And I am grateful.  Thanks to Jo and Holly for coming with me - having you both there was so comforting.  I also thank my friends for supporting me and putting up with my obsessive quirks!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Yippee-ki-yay Monster Trucker!

OH HOLY RUN SUCK!  The time has come!  They have released the challenge map for the dash!

Google Maps says its 4.8 miles and will take a walker an hour and 39 minutes.  Of course this is an estimate.  But it is nice to know what I am up against.  I am guessing I will try to do lots of run / walk cycles like Erin taught me.  I need to get one of those watches that Bea told me about that beep telling me when its time to walk.  I need one of these fo sho.  I won't have Erin.  :(

Good news on the challenge front too.  All tabata stuff - which I am totally prepared for and then the gauntlet, which will be fun and is all sorts of crossfitty with tires and a wall and everything.

They tell you the order in which to do the challenges, but they don't care how you run/walk there.  So I think I am going to try and off road it occasionally.  Maybe that will shave some mileage.  Sidewalk Schmidewalk.  Two of the challenge points are on either side of a cemetary.  Perhaps I shouldn't off road that one.  And one of the routes passes "Pie Town", I think I should avoid that one too.  It's not cupcakes, but tempting nonetheless.

I think I might be getting a tiny bit excited.

I've got 2 friends coming to spectate and support and I am so grateful they will be there as my piece of normal.  Plus I have a supportive team - so in Anna's words, it'll be all good.


P.S.  Have you ever seen that Orbit fresh mouth commercial?  Who are you calling cootie queen you lint licker!  I am not a big fan of the profanity, but I sure do enjoy the replacements.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Crossfit Highs

Oh Holy Hannah yesterday was a good day at the ole bullcity crossfit.  I had one of those days that are the best ever at crossfit.  The ones where you leave and you're like, "Holy crap!  I can't believe I (ME!) did that!  I am indeed badass!"

I still feel pretty happy today about it.

The day started out with Handstand practice.  Maybe you don't know this because I think I only wrote about it on the Crossfit blog, but I LOVE HANDSTANDS.  I made it my goal one month to get a handstand and about 3/4 the way through I finally got them!  It was awesome.  And everytime I did one, it made me happy.  I was doing them in the morning before work, just to have a happy day.  And then, I just quit doing them.  I'm not sure why.

So yesterday, it took awhile to get one again, but I finally did.  I got 2 in fact.  And then I got fatigued.  I can always tell I am fatigued, because my wonky shoulder starts acting up and I can no longer maintain a solid frame on my left side.  Oh well.  I'll take 2.  And I'll take that bit of inner peace and happiness that came with that 2.

Then we did the WOD.  Honestly it doesn't really matter what the WOD was - deadlifts and push press somethings.  It was just a means to the end.  The end being the devil...Afterall, today was a Run Suck day.

So Satan, or Erin as she is know to others, is my super awesome running coach.  I love Erin, but I really hate Satan.  Unfortunately, Erin is so badass, that she has been training on a very injured foot and finally realized that she needs to rest (REST ERIN!).  Alas, Satan couldn't coach Run Suck today.

So Satan had me do the Endurance WOD instead.  What?  You didn't know there was such a thing as Crossfit Endurance?  Oh yes, there is.  If there is a hell, they probably do Crossfit Endurance there.  I'm just sayin.


The WOD was run 200m and then rest for 3 times the amount of time it took you to run the 200m.  And then do this 10 times.

This is more Run Suck than I have done before I'm pretty sure.  But Satan assured me that I could do it.

*Side Note: Satan is so Badass - that she did the rowing version of the Endurance WOD on her jacked up foot while I ran it.

In place of Satan, my pal Allison G. ran with me.  She is the best.

First round not so bad.  I thought, "Oh, I can totally do this."  I finished my 200m in like 1:06min.  So we rested for about 3 min.  The next few rounds I finished in like 56-57sec.  The entire class was way ahead of us, but my pal Allison reminded me that that didn't matter.  She reminded me of this ALOT.  Thanks friend.

*Side Note:  NO ONE in my class said or did anything to make me think it mattered at all that I was so behind.  This is just me feeling badly about being behind.  In fact, they were all very supportive.

Round 5 was when I was like, uh oh.  This might not be doable.  But we persevered.  And I was maintaining my speed.

The entire class was done and we were only on round 7.  This is when mean Melinda was creeping into my head and saying you are not good enough.  Oh contraire.  I AM GOOD ENOUGH.

By round 9, coach Alison joined us and pushed me.  Unfortunately, I was at max and her pushing really didn't make me go faster.  My max is super slow, but it is MY max and that's OK.  I was starting to believe this towards these last rounds.

At round 10, several folks in the class ran with us.  It was awesome.  My body was telling my legs to stop, but my head just said keep going.  YOU CAN DO IT.

And you know what?  I DID do it. 

I am kind of all teary.  It was that kind of an accomplishment.

Satan was proud of me.  She wasn't expecting me to get or maintain 200m under a minute.  I didn't think that was good, but she sure thought it was.  She also was proud that I did all 10 rounds.  Maybe Satan isn't so bad after all.

This is what I am hoping the Dash is like next week (HOLY CRAP ITS NEXT WEEK!).  I hope my team is supportive (I know they will be and I of them).  I hope that I am not the slowest one, but if I am that is totally OK because my pace is MY pace.  I think it will be hard, but I will tell myself I CAN DO IT and I will BELIEVE IT.  And I guess most of all, I hope I have fun.  And I want the medal.  Well!  I do!  :)

So friends, these past few weeks have been disappointing in the weight loss arena.  But its times like yesterday, that remind me how far I've come.  I mean I think about almost 300 pound me, and I remember her having a hard time running 200m once.  Almost 200 pound me is doing handstands, doing a WOD, running 400m to warm up for the second WOD and then running 10 rounds of 200m! 

So while I am disappointed with my weight loss plateau, after Crossfit Highs like yesterday I am willing to keep up the fight.  And perhaps, for today, I can be OK with almost 200 pound me because this me is pretty awesome just the way she is.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

MetroDash Fundraising!!

Hi blog friends!

Would you be interested in supporting me in my first race ever? 

The MetroDash supports the Navy Seal Warrior Fund (NSWF).  This fund helps widowed families of SEALs as well as injured SEALs.

I am trying to raise $50 for the NSWF by 20 Aug (I know, I procrastinated).

Check out my fundraising page:

Thanks in advance for your support!

P.S.  I am getting excited and nervous about the Dash.  I know I am slack on posting progress - things haven't been going the best.  I am a tad bit injured (hips).  And I had a carbapalooza this weekend.  Body is rebelling.  Run Suck was at a all time high last week.  Boo.

P.S.S.  How cool would it be to be a Navy Seal?

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Run Suck Progress

I skipped my week in review.  Sorry.  Here is a recap:  I trained everyday and ate pretty well with the exception of what I posted.  Online dating sucks and will probably remain private from here on out.  WOW.  Well there it is.

Anywho - today the Run Suck factor was probably a 9.  Erin has me running in run/walk cycles.  Last week we did 4 rounds of 3 minutes running, 2 minutes walking.  This week Erin bumped it up to 4 rounds of 4 minutes running and 2 minutes walking.  HOLY RUN SUCK!  I even had to stop a couple of times.

In my defense, this was following a WOD that smoked my legs.  Have you ever heard of a GHD sit-up?  Neither had I until Crossfit.  Let me tell you, I now understand why there is an H in there.  My hamstrings were screaming.  Holy Hammy!  HA HEEEEEEEHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA  I just cracked myself up.

My running partner, Erin, did the same WOD with GHDs and ran with me and she never complained.  I on the other hand, complained alot.  I don't think complaining is OK, but I honestly wasn't feeling so great.  And it was a zillion freakin degrees again.  But with some encouragement, I completed my assignment.  So the Run Suck does seem to get a little better as the rounds go by, but it still sucks.   Freakin running.

Today Erin said sometimes you just have to accept running for what it is.  I think she said be at peace with it (who knows, I was delirious by this point).  Maybe I was seeing the angels and they were telling me to be at peace...It could have been that I was indeed dying.  But I wasn't.  I'm trying to be at peace with it.  Really I am.

More Run Suck coming on Friday.  Yippeee! (fun phrase borrowed from my friend Ashley who occasionally uses it sarcastically as well).

P.S.  I had to hide my scale.  I think I was making myself crazy.  

P.S.S.  I've been wanting to tell my fellow Dash team mates that I am nervous about being the slowest one on the team.  Well I finally did today.  They replied - well gestured - for me not to worry about it.  And then said it was going to be a "blast".  Um.  That is so not how I see it.  Why can't I think it is going to be a blast?  All I can think about is the Run Suck.  Sigh...

Saturday, August 7, 2010


My friend shared this photo with me yesterday, which I find totally relevant to my current predicament...

This is kind of hard to read, but the one I like best is  "The scale will NOT tell you...What a great person you are...How much your friends and family love you...That you can make a stranger melt with your beautiful smile..."

Stupid scale.

Anywho - yesterday I did the WOD which was started with a terrible terrible "warm-up".  The warm-up was 4 rounds of 200m run + 50 single unders.  It was maybe 95 or so and humid.  This was terrible and I was kind of sick afterwards.  Maybe it was the heat.  But I pressed on.  Freakin Ryan.  The WOD was overhead squats and double unders, which I kind of scaled down b/c I was feeling sick.  I am still working on my double unders.  I can do singles, but can't string them together yet.  So this WOD kind of took me awhile.  I did use my fancy new Buddy Lee jumprope.  It really is a good jump rope.  I recommend purchasing one if you are serious about getting double unders.

Now, on to the shakeup.  

I was FAMISHED when I got home.  I had a little snack of turkey and macadamia nuts and when on to get ready to meet up with some friends for dinner.

I decided that I would eat sort of high carb that night to see if it would shake up my metabolism.  We went to Pop's (known for some good pizza).  So I ate bread and olive oil, a piece of bread with yummy crab dip, a salad with goat cheese and pecans and a WHOLE (!!!!) sausage and pepperoni pizza (they are sort of small pizzas, so this is not super crazy).  AND I WAS STILL HUNGRY.  Like, I was not full.  At all.  People.  Come on.  WTF is going on with my body?

So I was thinking this morning when I weighed in, I would see some change.  Nope.  WTF!  Usually carbapalooza's make me gain water weight immediately.  Sigh...

I know I need to read my post from Thursday.  I know I just need to be patient, but its hard when I am actually working very hard to reach my goals and I'm unable to even make a dent in reaching them.  It is frustrating to say the least and there is a tiny seed of concern being planted. 

On another unrelated note (this transition in topics was terrible, I know), I am apparently too picky when it comes to choosing men to be interested in.  My best friend of almost 25 years told me this the other day as I was upset about my current lack of success with the online thing.  She says she has noticed this for as long as she has known me.  That I will pick apart most men so much so that I never allow myself to actually be interested in one.  

Last night, some of my friends confirmed this for me as we perused my online "selections".  A dude emailed me that I immediately dismissed for all sorts of reasons.  After much persuasion, they finally convinced me to email him back (this was comical, as they kept saying oooo he likes "x", so he can talk to so and so (meaning their spouse)  and he will get along with us, because we like doing "z".   And regarding appearances, they said things like, you can change the "Dad" jeans.  I dress so and so all the time (meaning their spouse).  I hate dad jeans, BTW).   

They thought he would be great for me whereas I had only found faults.  Do your friends know better about what is best for you?  I'm not sure, but I gave it a shot.  This was my dating shakeup - did you like how I tied that in?

Anywhooooooo....He emailed me back today BTW and frankly I am paralyzed about what to do next.  He wants my phone number.  GAH!  This is when it starts getting real I guess.   Freakin dating.  What to do what to do...

And finally, another unrelated at Cfit, someone told me I was inspiring.  I was waiting for the typical clarifying statement of "because you've lost so much weight".  But this time, it was just because.  This kind of surprised me.  

I went to the community work out today to support a friend of mine who is interested in joining (DO IT!) and the WOD was scaled way down, so I finished quickly and while not "easy" (Cfit, even scaled, is never really easy) it wasn't a typical WOD, so it was easy relatively speaking.  And this person was impressed.  I seriously didn't know what to say.  I kept thinking - have you not looked around?  I am so on the bottom of the totem pole at our gym.  Well, I guess I keep up for the most part, but still - I am not usually inspiring in the sense of the actual WOD'ing.  For once, I was not known for being a Crossfitter who lost a shit ton of weight, but just as a pretty awesome Crossfitter (in the eyes of a beginner).  Who knew that would ever happen?

I guess we Crossfitters never really stop to think how far we have come.  Mostly because we constantly surround ourselves with other badasses.  

Now, if only I could just transfer some of this ability to inspire over to my dating world...

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Impatience is not a virtue...

Um, have you seen my guns lately?
OMG it is so painful to be me sometimes.  I am so so impatient.  If I want something, I want it now.  I'll do the work, but I want to hurry and do the work and then get the something.  And then I get super upset when there are obstacles that I have no control over.

When this happens I like to repeat the ole trusty 12 step serenity prayer to myself:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference
Reinhold Niebuhr

Now I am not a religious person, and tried the 12-step thing and really didn't like it much, but I really really like this prayer.  When there is something that bothers me, I try to break it down and really understand the things I can't change AND BE OK WITH IT.

For example, I am totally pissed that I am working so very hard and I am not losing weight like I expected to.  I know my body, and when I take care of it, it totally responds, quickly.  I've got nothing going on over here.  I mean zero fluctuation.  I usually see fluctuation even in the same day.  I've tried 2 scales.  I'm just hanging out at the same freakin weight.  But meanwhile I am NOT enjoying "cheat meals" or sitting on my ass to maintain this - I AM FREAKIN WORKING AT IT VERY HARD AND AS BEST I CAN!

So I say the serenity prayer and break it down:
God grant me the serenity (please because I am feeling crazy)
to accept the things I cannot change (I cannot make the scale tell a different story)
The courage to change the things I can (I can change the way I respond to this plateau by persevering with good nutrition, exercise and rest and by being honest with myself)
and the wisdom to know the difference (thanks for letting me break it down, I know I just need to keep my chin up and keep on keeping on)

And then the crazy passes.  At least for a bit :)  

Anywho - I'm not really sure what is going on, but I am going to just keep on keepin on.  I do trust in the process and know that I am doing good things for my body.  And I know me getting healthy is not JUST about weight loss, but recall that one of the things I want (see above re: impatience) is a nose ring and that reward is tied to weight loss.  So what the F.  

Sigh.  Oh nose ring.  How I want thee...quietly cute and sparkly but at the same time unexpected and naughty...oh my.  Speaking of naughty, I need a boyfriend.  BLUSH...oh my.

I digress.

BUT, to continue a behavior change, I think you do need some kind of positive reinforcement.  My scale showing me pounds lost is the positive reinforcement I want and I am not getting this (Hi impatience - how's it going).   I have accepted this as something I cannot change, so instead, I am going to focus on some of the positive non-scale victories I've had over the past week or so.  Do you want to know what those are?  Of course you do.  I will share:
There is kind of face there saying HOLY SHIT!

  • I have seen - although this cannot be corroborated at this time - abs.  I know right?  I thought it was just fat, but I can clearly see outlines of at least a one-pack.
  • I have run 800m without stopping.
  • I have run 5 rounds of 3 min on and 2 min off.
  • I did 100 Pullups (assisted) for time and got wicked callous tears (Crossfit badge of honor)
  • I have reached out to friends for support instead of food (which reminds me of a quote I heard today, if the problem is not hunger, the answer is not food...)
  • I have generally eaten things that are good for my body

I am pretty sure if I was still in the habit of eating a pizza with a side of cake, these things would not be possible.  In fact, I know these things would not be possible.  So I win!

I have a tendency to be a bit all or nothing (what?  you aren't surprised you say?)  So with my Dash preparations, I was a little crazy.  Maybe I did or at least thought way to much about it.  I am trying to get the crazy back in check.  Trying to obsess a little less about my holy healthy goals and relax.  

I give you permission to tell me to stop the crazy if this continues to get out of hand.  Speaking of hands, did you see those tears?  Yeah, it hurts.

P.S.  They posted the Dash workout for Boston.  The challenges - totally doable.  The run - doable (thanks to Erin helping me build confidence) but it is 5 miles not the revised 3-4 miles!  Oh the anxiety...wait, I'm supposed to be relaxing...  

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Week in review - July 26

This week was kind of rough.  Not gonna lie.  I have been SUPER tired.  Like fall asleep during the day tired.  I am not sure if it is the elimination of sugar and grains, the addition of running or my body's need for more sleep?  Whatever, I need to fix this pronto.

I've also been doing ALOT of thinking.  Mostly about how I feel with regards to my lifestyle.  I think I am slightly obsessed with my healthy endeavors so much so that it might not be healthy.  More about that for a later post...

Same level of Paleo commitment this week.  Allowed condiments here and there.  Made some pretty good dinners.  I fully intended to try some recipes from my Primal Blueprint Cookbook, but I think I got lazy.  I don't get the chance to start dinner until around 8:30 or 9 and by then, I want quick and easy.  So I defer to old standbys.  I have read through these recipes and they all look pretty easy (and delicious) so I'm not sure why I haven't tried any of them.  I seem to be very averse to using recipes - not sure why.  When I am cooking, I like to just sort of make stuff up.  Maybe I don't like being told what to do...oh my, that could be a whole separate post!

Anywho - I mentioned that I am reading the Primal Blueprint and I really like Sisson's take on a healthy lifestyle.  There are some differences between Primal and Paleo with regards to nutrition.  One difference is that Primal allows for the inclusion of high fat dairy whereas Paleo eschews (stolen awesome word from Sisson) dairy.

So this weekend, I allowed the addition of blue cheese to a steak salad at Ted's Montana Grill (Oh holy hannah, when I decide that a burger is in order, I am totally going back there).  I haven't had cheese in a couple of weeks so I knew that based on my Whole30 experience, adding cheese, even just as sprinkles on a salad could be troubling to the ole' digestive tract (basically, the Whole30 approach is get rid of the crap for 30 days and slowly add back the things you think you can't/won't live without and see how they affect your body).

And the cheese was troubling.  Almost immediately.  Dairy is not my friend I'm afraid.

I think this is a valuable lesson though.  I have learned that cheese, while super tasty and yummy causes inflammation / irritation and in general makes me feel kind of poopy.   So I know that there are nutrients to be gained from dairy and that I may enjoy the taste of dairy, but I will choose whether or not to consume it knowing I'm going to feel poopy afterwards.  It's now an educated choice.

This makes more sense to me than just someone telling me that I shouldn't be eating something because of x.  Through this kind of experimentation, I know what "x" is for me and maybe it is not worth it to get "x" by eating something.  But the "x" and the worth is different for everyone.

The final thought on nutrition, what are your thoughts on eating a whole avocado in one sitting?  I've done that twice now.  Also, I am thoroughly enjoying watermelon which is high on the glycemic index.  Both of these things make me feel anxious.  WTF?  Part of the freedom you feel eating Paleo/Primal is that you are not keeping track of points/blocks/etc, but rather eating nutrient dense foods when you want, in whatever quantities you want when you need it.  I keep thinking that these things are limiting my weight loss efforts - thoughts?  See what I mean - obsessed and unhealthy...Oh this next post will be a doozy...soo many thoughts..

So my schedule this week was 5 days on and 2 days off.
Crossfitted:  4 times
Yoga'd:  1 time
Run:  2 times

I took an extra rest day on Saturday because I felt beat up.  Everything was sore and I was so tired.  I think that was a good call.

I did run with Erin 2 times this week.  See post re: Run Suck for that good time.  Again, I'm grateful that she is taking the time to do this with me.  I find, honestly, this is now less about the Dash and more about me.

I've lost one pound this week which I am a little disappointed with if I'm being honest.  I feel like I am working hard and should be rewarded with massive weight loss.  However, I need to trust the process and know that my body is adjusting to last week's loss and will level out.  

Less than one month away from the Dash.  I think I'll do fine, but am not really looking forward to it anymore.  See comment above re: obsessions...  Oh dear.


Too tired for some planned socializing on Friday.  I even had a cute new dress.  And there was a fraternity convention thing.  My odds would have been pretty good! :)

I got to hang out with some good friends though and drop a car payment on some lululemon attire.  How can you not feel badass when you have badass new workout clothes?

AND I did send a mail to a dude with potential on the online thing.  I had to get someone (thank you someone) to help me hit send and be OK with what I wrote.  I swear, I am still very very immature when it comes to these things.

I also learned this week that the truth hurts sometimes.  And that it hurts worse when the truth comes from a friend. :(

Next week's goals

  • Maintain nutrition and fitness, but try to relax
  • Tighten up (Mandyism) at work
  • Be more aware of negative self talk (see very awesome post in the Crossfit Journal - if you haven't signed up for access, you totally should.  Well worth the $25).

Friday, July 30, 2010

Food dreams

Well I'm dreaming about food again.  I just re-read my posts over at bullcitycrossfitters from during my Whole30, and I was dreaming about grains/sugar around Week 3.  This is the end of Week 2.  Kind of weird huh?

I dreamt a couple of nights ago about chocolate cake and last night about a chocolate donut.  The cake I ate and then rationalized (don't remember how I rationalized) and the donut, took one bite and decided it wasn't worth it.

I really wish I could somehow interpret my dreams because they are always telling us something.

P.S.  Ran last night with Erin again.  Same 15 minutes of 3 min run and 2 min walk.  This after a WOD that included thrusters and in 98 degree sunshine.  Run suck pattern was similar, but Erin said she thought I might be a little faster.

P.S.S.  I am so tired.  Like fall asleep during the day tired.  What's up with that?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Run Suck

So today was my first day of running practice with Erin.  That sounds so stupid.  Running practice.  Seems like you learn to run as a child and thats that.  Why would you need to practice?  Because of the run suck.

Run suck is when you are running and it sucks.

Genius right?  I know.  I am very smart.

My run suck was at an all time high after yesterday's WOD.  But today, after just one practice with Erin, I feel like my run suck got a little better.

First we did the WOD.  Then we started our run practice.  We ran a total of 15 minutes.  3 minutes run, 2 minutes walk X 3 times.  Totally doable and very different from yesterday.  We were not in a race, just going for a run.  The first round - my run suck was at an 8.5 out of 10 (10 being where I was yesterday).  Definitely aware of the lack of time passing.  First walk break, I asked how fast we needed to walk and Erin told me this was recovery and we could just walk normally.  I was like oh I can handle this.  Second round my run suck was at about 7.  Third round, we were actually conversing.  Dare I say it was borderline pleasurable?  Run suck = 6.

So all in all - a total of 2.5 run suck point improvement in one practice.  Not bad after my first practice, no?  I'm not sure how it got better over time, but it did.  I think it helped to have Erin run WITH me at MY pace.  So I was never feeling rushed or like I was behind (which is typical).  And we were talking (OK, maybe Erin was doing more talking and I was panting words out, but still).  Definitely don't converse during a WOD.  Oh, and it was like 80 degrees and cloudy (but with high humidity).  Much better running conditions than yesterday.

So thanks Erin.  Can't thank you enough.

P.S.  Got some hip pain - but its new hip pain.  Trying to ignore.

P.S.S.  I really want to discuss a post my friend Ashley posted from the folks over at Whole9, but I don't feel like getting into to it tonight.  Take a look and maybe I'll discuss my thoughts tomorrow.  Here is a post for some background of why I want to discuss.

P.S.S.S  Here is my dinner from tonight.  Bison "Lasagna" - ground bison + onion + garlic + Newman's Own tomato sauce over baked zucchini (with olive oil and garlic).  Fodder for aforementioned discussion.
Bison "Lasagna"

Monday, July 26, 2010

Negative Nancy

So tonight was Nancy at Crossfit.  Freakin Nancy.

Nancy is 5 rounds of 400m run / 15 Overhead Squats (Rx was 65 lbs, I went with 45lbs).

Let me paint the picture for the start of Nancy.  It was a brisk 95ish degrees.  Oh, excuse me, this was a cool front from the 102 it was yesterday.  Freakin Nancy.

I strolled in thinking, good, this will be a decent test for how I will run the dash.  The dash is about 3-4 miles with WOD's in between.  So Nancy was like a third of what the dash will be.  Freakin Nancy.

The dash is on 28 Aug, so it will be m effing hot then too.  Freakin Nancy.

Blog friends, it was ugly.  I was a full round behind everyone else.  I think I ended with a time of 20:24.  Fail.


What have I done?  I fear that I am in way over my head with this race.  I have to do 3 Nancy's plus some extra stuff like running stairs and climbing walls?  Oh my geez.  OH HOLY COW!

Sigh...but I will survive.  I will survive!

Uh oh, I'm about to break out in song*...

Oh Negative Nancy go - walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with hip pain
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as I know how to run
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my life to give
and I'll survive

I digress.

So I also tried out my new kicks today.  No hip pain yet!  Score!

Here is a picture of dinner from this evening.  Grilled raspberry chipotle marinated pork chop topped with avocado and cilantro.  Lots o' broccoli.  This was OK.  Not the best, but OK.  Asparagus would have been a better side.  Plus my cute dishes were dirty - these are OK, but not my fave.  Presentation is everything.

Finally, a happy end note.  My fun tank tops from my new friends over at paleoblocks arrived today!  I can't wait to wear them!

*thanks Gloria Gaynor for some awesome lyrics to play with

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Week in review - July 19

This week has gone pretty well.  Monday was pretty terrible as my body went through crap food withdrawal.  But after that, no problemo and body is once again cooperating with me.  

I'm pretty paleo.  I have had some condiments that aren't paleo in the strict circles, but I am allowing them to make eating more fun.  Also, I accidentally had a fake beer at this wine festival (they didn't have fake wine - wait - I didn't even ask them if they did - crap).  I am serious that it was an accident - I wasn't even thinking and just ordered it. I guess I was more focused on my foods rather than beverages.   Anywho - it happens.  No biggee.  It was refreshing as it was a pavement egg frying 100 degrees.

My breakfasts are generally 2 hard boiled egg whites + 2 slices of whole foods bacon + pear and sunbutter.  Lunch is usually a big ass salad with chicken, sunflower seeds and olive oil and then some fruit.

Dinners are where I like to switch it up.  I'd say my cooking style is KISS (keep it simple stupid).  Usually meat or fish and a veggie.  And usually grilled.

I'll start posting some pictures - here is my dinner from tonight:

This is Wahoo steak marinated in teriyaki sauce and grilled.  Sided with brocolini (drizzled with teriyaki sauce) and watermelon for dessert.  This was awesome and I would definitely recommend that you run, not walk to your nearest fishery to purchase Wahoo.  It was buttery and delicious.

I feel great when I eat this way.  Why is it so hard to remember how great you feel when cupcakes tempt you?  Damn cupcakes.

I had planned on running at least twice this week in addition to my regular workouts, but I did not.  I did, however, meet with my Crossfit buddy and super kick ass runner, Erin to talk about running.  She has graciously (and perhaps unwittingly with regards to me possibly hating her and saying many many f words) agreed to help me learn to run.   We are going to run twice a week together until the big dash.  Thanks Erin.  

I also went to Fleet Feet in Carrboro to get some new kicks that hopefully will allow me to run hip pain free.  Will test them out this week!

Here is my exercise recap for the week:
Crossfitted:  4 times
Spun:  2 times
Yoga'd:  1 time

The schedule was 6 days on 1 day off.  I am not sure that worked very well because by Saturday I was too pooped to do well in my yoga class.  I have done this schedule before and not had problems - so we'll see how it goes this week.  I want to listen to my body, but I also want to train and be prepared for the ole dash.  My body said rest today and I did.  Yay rest!  

I should mention that I have lost 9 pounds this week.  But this is typical after hard core carbapalooza.  Its mostly water that I gained from all of the carbs and sugary processed crap.  Also, just goes to show how bloated people are that eat crap.  And how uncomfortable it must be (oh it is, it is indeed).

I am single.  Damn it.  Apparently, word on the street is that my husband is not going to come knocking on my door.  You mean I have to put myself out there?  Yes, yes you do.  Damn it.

So I think this is totally connected to my health.  So perhaps I will periodically report on my social endeavors.  It could be comical, but I am thinking it will probably just be sad.  I'm just sayin'.

Anywho - I put myself out there on one of those online dating things.  FULL of whammies.  Sigh...

Also, I put myself out there at aforementioned wine festival.  And imagine my surprise when I actually enjoyed myself...while talking to a boy.

Holy Hannah this was a super long post.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Time to be comfortable being uncomfortable

It was a good weekend for inspiration.  I watched the Crossfit Games this weekend in almost its entirety.  They broad casted the whole thing live over the Internet.  It was m'effing awesome.  Those athletes are beyond amazing.  They inspire me to be / do better.  *Note:  The games also made me realize that Rich Froning, Jr. should definitely be my husband.

I bet those athletes were totally uncomfortable the whole weekend and most likely much of the time leading up to the games.  
"Only people willing to work to the point of discomfort on a regular basis 
using effective means to produce that discomfort 
will actually look like they have been other-than-comfortable most of the time."  Coach Rip
That is one skill I need to work on.  Being comfortable with being uncomfortable.  It is only during the moments of discomfort that you have an opportunity to change or learn something new.  Think about it.  This applies to anything in life.  Change can only come when staying the same is more uncomfortable than the discomfort of change.

I am very uncomfortable right now.  It is time to change.  And it is serious time (I believe this is a Mitchelism).

I just deleted a whole bunch of this post.  Because I want to be honest here.

Food and I are emotionally connected.  Happy or sad, excited or bored, celebration or loneliness - all emotions are directly related to food.  Food is my escape for whatever emotion I am feeling.  I think feeling makes me uncomfortable.  Feelings are scary.  This is terrible, because there are some really good feelings to be had!  Mmmm....Rich Froning...

I digress.

I REALLY want this to change.  The closest I have come to changing this emotional relationship with food has been at the end of my Whole30.  I just didn't give it enough time to stick.

I am also uncomfortable with my running especially as it pertains to the upcoming Metro Dash.  And fear and rejection.  Whoops.  Feelings reared their ugly head again.  I am fearful that my lack of running skills will cause my fellow teammates to reject me.  There I said it.  Insecurity.  Ugly ugly quality.  This must change.  *Note:  CANNOT be insecure if wanting to find mate.  New priority - increase confidence.

Best way to increase confidence?  Sign up for and finish freaking hard race with fellow crossfitters who are super supportive and motivating.  Another way to increase confidence...lift more heavy shit, run a little and lose some pounds/inches.

Plan:  Eat good / real food.  No processed crap.  Skip grains, dairy and legumes.  Get fit to finish freaking hard race.  Increase confidence and find man to smooch (I'm just sayin...).

So friends, here comes discomfort.  I've gotten my head in the right place, stocked my fridge with paleo goodness and made myself a little inspiration sign.  And when things get tough, I have to remember that it is OK to be uncomfortable and that if I breathe through it, it will pass and I will make it through.

Change is a comin'. 

P.S.  I am including this photo I found of me after losing 30 pounds.  I'll bet I was uncomfortable then.  That's why I made a change.  I am including a photo from last weekend.  Big difference if you ask me.  Even in my eyes.  Totally uncomfortable.