Impatience is not a virtue...

Um, have you seen my guns lately?

OMG it is so painful to be me sometimes.  I am so so impatient.  If I want something, I want it now.  I'll do the work, but I want to hurry and do the work and then get the something.  And then I get super upset when there are obstacles that I have no control over.

When this happens I like to repeat the ole trusty 12 step serenity prayer to myself:

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference

Reinhold Niebuhr

Now I am not a religious person, and tried the 12-step thing and really didn't like it much, but I really really like this prayer.  When there is something that bothers me, I try to break it down and really understand the things I can't change AND BE OK WITH IT.

For example, I am totally pissed that I am working so very hard and I am not losing weight like I expected to.  I know my body, and when I take care of it, it totally responds, quickly.  I've got nothing going on over here.  I mean zero fluctuation.  I usually see fluctuation even in the same day.  I've tried 2 scales.  I'm just hanging out at the same freakin weight.  But meanwhile I am NOT enjoying "cheat meals" or sitting on my ass to maintain this - I AM FREAKIN WORKING AT IT VERY HARD AND AS BEST I CAN!

So I say the serenity prayer and break it down:

God grant me the serenity (please because I am feeling crazy)

to accept the things I cannot change (I cannot make the scale tell a different story)

The courage to change the things I can (I can change the way I respond to this plateau by persevering with good nutrition, exercise and rest and by being honest with myself)

and the wisdom to know the difference (thanks for letting me break it down, I know I just need to keep my chin up and keep on keeping on)

And then the crazy passes.  At least for a bit :)  

Anywho - I'm not really sure what is going on, but I am going to just keep on keepin on.  I do trust in the process and know that I am doing good things for my body.  And I know me getting healthy is not JUST about weight loss, but recall that one of the things I want (see above re: impatience) is a nose ring and that reward is tied to weight loss.  So what the F.  

Sigh.  Oh nose ring.  How I want thee...quietly cute and sparkly but at the same time unexpected and naughty...oh my.  Speaking of naughty, I need a boyfriend.  BLUSH...oh my.

I digress.

BUT, to continue a behavior change, I think you do need some kind of positive reinforcement.  My scale showing me pounds lost is the positive reinforcement I want and I am not getting this (Hi impatience - how's it going).   I have accepted this as something I cannot change, so instead, I am going to focus on some of the positive non-scale victories I've had over the past week or so.  Do you want to know what those are?  Of course you do.  I will share:

There is kind of face there saying HOLY SHIT!

• I have seen - although this cannot be corroborated at this time - abs.  I know right?  I thought it was just fat, but I can clearly see outlines of at least a one-pack.
• I have run 800m without stopping.
• I have run 5 rounds of 3 min on and 2 min off.
• I did 100 Pullups (assisted) for time and got wicked callous tears (Crossfit badge of honor)
• I have reached out to friends for support instead of food (which reminds me of a quote I heard today, if the problem is not hunger, the answer is not food...)
• I have generally eaten things that are good for my body

I am pretty sure if I was still in the habit of eating a pizza with a side of cake, these things would not be possible.  In fact, I know these things would not be possible.  So I win!

I have a tendency to be a bit all or nothing (what?  you aren't surprised you say?)  So with my Dash preparations, I was a little crazy.  Maybe I did or at least thought way to much about it.  I am trying to get the crazy back in check.  Trying to obsess a little less about my holy healthy goals and relax.  

I give you permission to tell me to stop the crazy if this continues to get out of hand.  Speaking of hands, did you see those tears?  Yeah, it hurts.

P.S.  They posted the Dash workout for Boston.  The challenges - totally doable.  The run - doable (thanks to Erin helping me build confidence) but it is 5 miles not the revised 3-4 miles!  Oh the anxiety...wait, I'm supposed to be relaxing...