I'm special, but not in the good way...

I'm positive for the BRCA2 gene mutation.  Guess what the chances were for me to test positive?  4.8%.  FOUR POINT EIGHT!

You wanna come too, don't you?

WTF???  Why wasn't a million dollars tied to those odds?  I would be rich and could run away in my silver bullet that I pull with Sunshine (my jeep).  NOTE:  I totally want to run away right now.  I mean really.  I'm not kidding.  I would buy a silver bullet trailer and hitch it to sunshine and Tboz and I would go live at the beach. I would work at a nursery and maybe bartend for extra money.  When we grew tired of one beach, we'd move on.  I would have my house sold and all my stuff donated or given away.  No, I haven't been thinking about it much....really.

Anywho, they call the mutation deleterious.  Great.  Because breast cancer totally isn't deleterious already.  One more thing.

I swear, as soon as I get to a point where I get my head around everything and what the plan is, I get a bomb like this dropped on me and everything goes to shit again.  Immediately.

I don't feel like giving all the detail, but basically me having this deleterious mutation means that I had a roughly 48% chance of getting the breast cancer (BINGO!) and am much more likely to get a SECOND completely new breast cancer (increased risk of about 50%) and to wrap this all in a nice pretty package - much more likely to get ovarian cancer (increased risk of about 35%).

Yay me!  I'm so special and lucky!  Can you tell I am super pissed?  Can you hear it in my typing?  I can.  BLARRRRGGHHH!

I still need to talk to the surgeon and oncologist, but they will most likely suggest a double mastectomy.  Double mastectomy reduces my risk of getting the second breast cancer down to like 5%.  Its hard to argue that.

There are other options - like just treating this cancer and then screening really closely for any recurrence or new cancer.  But I just don't think I can handle the anxiety of just waiting to get this diagnosis again.  I mean, I'm barely making it through this one. All the testing and scans and appointments and doctors and time out of work and time away from socializing and ANXIETY and depression and then the actual treatments!  You want me to go through this again?  NO THANK YOU. 

So for now, I am pretty sure I am going to go forward with the plan that is in place to get the cancer out of me and to allow them to get the oncotype "cooking".  I really want to know if chemo is in my future and don't really want to wait to remove the cancer that is already growing inside of me.

Besides, I can do the mastectomies later.  When I get my ovaries removed.

Yep, you heard that correctly.  Part of the treatment for my cancer and prevention for the ovarian bit is removal of my ovaries.  Yep, good times.  Exactly what part of me will be a woman?  My hoo ha I guess, but I'll be in menopause.  At age 37.  Hot flashes and mood swings and the other good parts related to your hoo ha.  Good times.

I don't recommend googling
mutant.  

Had to discuss fertility too.  Could bank eggs, donor, blah blah*.  I don't think I want that.  Especially now that I know I am a mutant.  A deleterious mutant.  There is always adoption, but I am pretty sure it will only be of the canine variety.

Oh, and that liver MRI that I wasn't supposed to get shot up for?  Yeah, they shot me up.

Son of a bitch this day sucked.

*One of the most awesome things anyone has offered to help me has been my BFF in the whole world's womb.  Yep, she offered to carry a kid if I wanted her to.  Seriously?  I am one lucky girl.  Thank you my friend.  Such a generous, kind, selfless, thoughtful thing.