My friend, and Crossfit Durham coach, Ashley, asked some of us female Crossfit bloggers to write a post about 10 things we like about ourselves. The things should be physical traits. I think the point of the assignment is to not be so hard on ourselves and focus on our positives.
Given my current condition, this is truly a difficult assignment. My body as I've known it for my adult life is completely different now. My physical abilities are different now. So how do I find 10 things I physically like about myself when my entire being screams MUTANT!
Ok, here goes (in no particular order):
1). I have the ability to be athletic. My experience with the MetroDash proved that to me. This is one of my bigger accomplishments.
2). I can do a pretty mean handstand. Took a lot of work, but I got it.
3). My noggin is pretty. Even bald. There is lot to learn about yourself and your facial features when you are bald. My features are nice.
4). I do not fear physical discomfort. I fear the unknown. I think there is a difference.
6). I can cook some fab paleo food from no recipe. I just make stuff up and it usually looks pretty and tastes good. I have lots of ideas about a cookbook.
7). I have kicked some terrible habits: smoking (11 years) and drinking (6 years). These count as physical traits, because they were physically hard to break. If I could only kick cake...
8). Even with a few, ahem, extra pounds, I still like my belly button. I have a lovely belly button ring, and it makes me happy. When I had to take it out for surgery, I thought it looked weird and sad. It's not something I show off, just something I know is there. And I have good memories of getting it done with my BFF.
9). Yikes. How many more. I can lift heavy shit. The heaviness is variable, but I know it's more than most regular jo-Anna blows off the street.
10). I am surviving a diagnosis of invasive ductal adenocarcinoma, being told I carry a genetic mutation for a high risk for ovarian cancer, being told natural born kids are not in my future, having both breasts cut off, losing my hair and getting Chemo. I still have so much more to go, but I have perseverance like it was on sale at target.
The other ladies posting their top 10s are awesome ladies that I could write a top 10 for easily. I suppose that is the point, no? You are your own worst critic and probably no one else noticed your fat arms but you.
I need to notice #10 and #1 more.
Here are some links to the other top tens:
Beatrice - general soft hearted badass who takes good care of me and reminds me that I am loved
Nelly - all around superstar. Bootcamped with her forever and so glad she now see's how badass she is
Amy - makes me laugh hard. Brings me crass cross stitching to taunt the cancer. Super proud of how hard she works and glad she found Crossfit. It suits her.
Colleen - I don't know Colleen, but I can tell I'm going to like her.
Lindsay - I can always lift more with Lindsay around. One time I tried to kill her with my poor spotting abilities and she is still my friend. That shit is deep. Plus she sparkles just like me.
Ash - badass of all Crossfit badass girls. Pretty much who you want to be if you are Crossfitting. And she makes me giggle and act silly.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Chemo Schmemo #2
Friday I had round 2 of my Chemo regimen taxotere +cytoxan. 50% done! Wahoo!
My lovely friend JHO (Jennifer, but I like JHO much better) accompanied me. Thank you JHO, you definitely eased the anxiety and made me laugh.
We started our day at Duke at 8:30am. I went all natural. No foobs, no scarves or hats, just me. And i was feeling good and confident and peaceful and healthy. Such a shame that they knocked me down from that because it was a great feeling.
Anywho, I had my labs drawn to make sure I was well enough for round 2. And then waited to see the nurse practitioner that was covering for my normal one. I don't really like my normal one, I don't feel very cared for with her, but I liked this one. She listened and took my concerns seriously and appreciated my list of questions I had. She had suggestions to help manage my side effects (notes taken by JHO, thanks JHO) and she examined me. My other one didn't even examine me last time. I wish I could switch. Sigh. Maybe next time will be better with the old one.
Then we went down to check in early for treatment. Just in case. Duke merely has suggested appointment times, so it was worth a shot. We took our restaurant pager downstairs and grabbed lunch. Halfway through lunch we got paged! Sweet! Early!
And to "the chair" I went. Had my same nurse, Amy, as last time. She is super nice and caring. I got all hooked up and it was a much easier stick this time because i wasnt so nervous.
So last time I had what they thought was an allergic reaction, so this time I took the 'roids the day before. I was a little nervous that I would have a reaction again or even one that was worse but I knew they would manage it FAST if it happened. Sure enough after they started my taxotere I was drinking my diet coke from lunch and mentioned in passing to JHO that I felt pleghmy. A passer by nurse overheard this and all hell broke loose again. They stopped the drip and added more drugs afraid that this was another reaction. I asked if we could wait and see that I thought it was just my soda, and they weren't going for it. But they agreed to give me only half the benadryl dose so I wouldn't snooze through this one. I still snoozed, but not as long. I'm keeping my comments to myself next time unless I am sure it's something. Sheesh, they must see bad stuff to react like this.
And then I got the cytoxan and was done. Just like that.
On the way out, we stopped by the survivor boutique to look at wigs and what not. They had a few nice ones and MANY that were stuffed in a basket from I think the 70s. I did find one that was nice and normal looking. I was allowed to take one wig and can exchange it two more times if I get tired of it. Plus, I got two beanies and a necklace. Score! Seriously I am set. I need to post and show you all the cool things I've gotten.
I didn't get one of the "real" wig I took. I will post when I post about wigs. I ordered some wigs last night through TLC (American Cancer Society site) during a post chemo online spending spree which I think is caused by the 'roids.
JHO took me home around 5:00pm and I felt ok. Tired and a little loopy. I went to target to pick up a prescription. One of my prescriptions is for Zofran, an anti nausea med. It is expensive, but my company makes it so it is free so I wanted to go back and get the brand name, not generic. I think brand is better than generic, I just do. I saw the retail value on my target receipt and it retails at $1143. What the bleep, man? More benefits for working at my company. I have really good benefits.
I also went to petco for some TBoz treats. I noticed that there are stares when you are bald in the real world, but there are many more smiles. Maybe they are pity smiles, but they are smiles nonetheless. I am just waiting for the insensitive teenager comment or the innocent kid comment. I hope those won't hurt, but that's what you get for roaming around all bald and different.
As for how I'm feeling, kind of crappy, not gonna lie. I don't have the steroid high and I have ALOT of nausea and bloating. Boo. And my confident, healthy feeling, it went bye bye. Double boo.
I am having that metallic taste that they told me about and the things that appeal to me right now are anything in the potato or milk family as well as the ginger ale family. The best fix it "meal" has been salty chick fil a fries and chick fil a ice cream. I don't know why. So much for my no sugar challenge, but I gotta be kind to me and that seems to come in the form of the chick fil a "ice dream".
I will leave you with a rhyme that JHO wrote me while I was in the chair (she is kind of famous for these):
On my way to Chemo with J-Ho.
My head is bald, but so is my ass.
Damn, that happened really fast.
I scan my card and then we sit.
Is that me beeping? No. Shit. And so we sit.
Time to see the doctor and sit on the bed.
Hold on, let me first lint roll my head.
The nurse comes in to take my vitals.
She's definitely not graceful like a ballerina at a recital.
She tells me to undress and the doctor is on her way.
I ask her why, but she doesn't know...is that ok?
So let me recap what the doctor said.
No coffee, lots of chocolate, and aloe on my head.
Time for my Chemo, where's the Ativan?
Phlegm in my throat, Benadryl, and off to never never land.
The machines, the tubes, and how can we forget the beeping.
Next time I'm wearing earplugs to stop the bleeping beeping.
So many people affected by this disease with a room full getting the magic potion.
One would think it would be sad, but it's a room full of faith,hope,bravery and positive emotions.
All unique in their own special way,
Kicking cancers ass all along the way.
My lovely friend JHO (Jennifer, but I like JHO much better) accompanied me. Thank you JHO, you definitely eased the anxiety and made me laugh.
 |
| JHO and Baldie with nice steroid bloat |
We started our day at Duke at 8:30am. I went all natural. No foobs, no scarves or hats, just me. And i was feeling good and confident and peaceful and healthy. Such a shame that they knocked me down from that because it was a great feeling.
Anywho, I had my labs drawn to make sure I was well enough for round 2. And then waited to see the nurse practitioner that was covering for my normal one. I don't really like my normal one, I don't feel very cared for with her, but I liked this one. She listened and took my concerns seriously and appreciated my list of questions I had. She had suggestions to help manage my side effects (notes taken by JHO, thanks JHO) and she examined me. My other one didn't even examine me last time. I wish I could switch. Sigh. Maybe next time will be better with the old one.
Then we went down to check in early for treatment. Just in case. Duke merely has suggested appointment times, so it was worth a shot. We took our restaurant pager downstairs and grabbed lunch. Halfway through lunch we got paged! Sweet! Early!
And to "the chair" I went. Had my same nurse, Amy, as last time. She is super nice and caring. I got all hooked up and it was a much easier stick this time because i wasnt so nervous.
 |
| That's Amy - she had a cough, so wearing a mask. |
So last time I had what they thought was an allergic reaction, so this time I took the 'roids the day before. I was a little nervous that I would have a reaction again or even one that was worse but I knew they would manage it FAST if it happened. Sure enough after they started my taxotere I was drinking my diet coke from lunch and mentioned in passing to JHO that I felt pleghmy. A passer by nurse overheard this and all hell broke loose again. They stopped the drip and added more drugs afraid that this was another reaction. I asked if we could wait and see that I thought it was just my soda, and they weren't going for it. But they agreed to give me only half the benadryl dose so I wouldn't snooze through this one. I still snoozed, but not as long. I'm keeping my comments to myself next time unless I am sure it's something. Sheesh, they must see bad stuff to react like this.
 |
| It's really not so bad. |
And then I got the cytoxan and was done. Just like that.
On the way out, we stopped by the survivor boutique to look at wigs and what not. They had a few nice ones and MANY that were stuffed in a basket from I think the 70s. I did find one that was nice and normal looking. I was allowed to take one wig and can exchange it two more times if I get tired of it. Plus, I got two beanies and a necklace. Score! Seriously I am set. I need to post and show you all the cool things I've gotten.
 |
| Flo |
 |
| Rizzo |
 |
| Where's the PTA meeting? |
JHO took me home around 5:00pm and I felt ok. Tired and a little loopy. I went to target to pick up a prescription. One of my prescriptions is for Zofran, an anti nausea med. It is expensive, but my company makes it so it is free so I wanted to go back and get the brand name, not generic. I think brand is better than generic, I just do. I saw the retail value on my target receipt and it retails at $1143. What the bleep, man? More benefits for working at my company. I have really good benefits.
I also went to petco for some TBoz treats. I noticed that there are stares when you are bald in the real world, but there are many more smiles. Maybe they are pity smiles, but they are smiles nonetheless. I am just waiting for the insensitive teenager comment or the innocent kid comment. I hope those won't hurt, but that's what you get for roaming around all bald and different.
As for how I'm feeling, kind of crappy, not gonna lie. I don't have the steroid high and I have ALOT of nausea and bloating. Boo. And my confident, healthy feeling, it went bye bye. Double boo.
I am having that metallic taste that they told me about and the things that appeal to me right now are anything in the potato or milk family as well as the ginger ale family. The best fix it "meal" has been salty chick fil a fries and chick fil a ice cream. I don't know why. So much for my no sugar challenge, but I gotta be kind to me and that seems to come in the form of the chick fil a "ice dream".
I will leave you with a rhyme that JHO wrote me while I was in the chair (she is kind of famous for these):
On my way to Chemo with J-Ho.
My head is bald, but so is my ass.
Damn, that happened really fast.
I scan my card and then we sit.
Is that me beeping? No. Shit. And so we sit.
Time to see the doctor and sit on the bed.
Hold on, let me first lint roll my head.
The nurse comes in to take my vitals.
She's definitely not graceful like a ballerina at a recital.
She tells me to undress and the doctor is on her way.
I ask her why, but she doesn't know...is that ok?
So let me recap what the doctor said.
No coffee, lots of chocolate, and aloe on my head.
Time for my Chemo, where's the Ativan?
Phlegm in my throat, Benadryl, and off to never never land.
The machines, the tubes, and how can we forget the beeping.
Next time I'm wearing earplugs to stop the bleeping beeping.
So many people affected by this disease with a room full getting the magic potion.
One would think it would be sad, but it's a room full of faith,hope,bravery and positive emotions.
All unique in their own special way,
Kicking cancers ass all along the way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)