Chemo Schmemo

I went to see the oncologist. She called wanting to see me and of course I freaked out and thought the worst. Turns out she already had my pathology reports AND had already received my oncotype score( test to see what chance of recurrence I have ( I have 20%) and if I would likely benefit from Chemo (I would).

First, my lymph nodes were cancer free and the surgeon was able to get clean margins. This basically means I am considered cured. However, I still need to be treated for possible recurrence and for any leftover cancer cells that might be hiding in my body somewhere.

So she wants me to do Chemo. Sigh. I will start treatment once the drains from my surgery have been removed (which will be cause for massive celebration - these drains suck big ole you know what).

I will get 4 treatments; one every 21 days. I will get the infusion over two hours and will definitely lose my hair (around day 10-14).

I received a gazillion prescriptions and lots of info. I left very overwhelmed.

Honestly, I can't think about the Chemo because I'm still trying to recover from surgery, which has been challenging. Its been one week now. The drains hurt me so badly so I am still in a significant amount of pain. I am taking pain meds which make me loopy and goofy and sleepy, so haven't gotten up and around as I should. Also, I have to sleep sitting up and I am a stomach sleeper, so I have not slept well. Sometimes, I just get sad and I cry. Just because of the whole situation I guess. I know it will get better with time, but it is kind of really sucking.

On a happier note, I got my hair washed and dried today. I can't really raise my arms and can't get the stitches soaked so haven't been able to wash my hair. Mom suggested to go to a super cuts type place which I did and it was five bucks. Awesome. I was also able to go to lunch with mom and try on foobs (post surgical kind=small stuffed pillows) and wigs (I cannot be a blonde). I enjoyed hanging out with mom and I didn't get too tired, but took a nap as soon as I got home.

Tomorrow I will try to go to a Durham Bulls baseball game with my friends from Crossfit. Not sure how this will go. I feel pretty self conscious about the whole flat chest and drain thing. But I will try and it will be good to see my friends.

Hoping I slowly start to come around to my old self. I miss that me. But maybe the cancer ass kicking me is a better me? I'd like to think so.