The other day she wrote a post about being in your late 30's and baby-less. And asked the readers about sperm donation. There was some really great discussion in her post as well as in the comments.
Personally, I don't think I could go this route. Read my comment for the why's.
I thought it was interesting that she brought this up since I've been thinking about this. Actually, I've been thinking about it more than I let on to my friends and family.
When I saw the fertility doctor before my surgery, one of the options discussed was egg freezing. My window to do this is small. This process takes about 2 weeks and needs to happen before Chemo starts.
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| This is all I can think about when I think about the babies... |
Is that selfish? Is it bad that I don't want to work that hard to try and spawn? Perhaps the way I am writing this should answer that question for me. It's not all lovey dovey gushy cooing baby talk. Babies are kind of annoying and demanding and you are responsible for them for the rest of your life. Holy Hannah I have a hard enough time with Tboz.
But then, they are kind of funny when they start talking. And can be pretty cute. But for the rest of your life! I'm still taking from my parents emotionally at 37. Nah. I don't think it's for me.
Chemo basically will put me into early menopause effectively ending my baby making time. Chemo will probably start next week or shortly thereafter. My ovaries could start working again, but if they do, they really want me to get them taken out because I am a mutant.
So, basically, I am feeling like my ability to make a baby is ending in the next two weeks. I think this is a really hard concept to wrap my head around, even if I don't want to spawn. Baby making is part of what makes me a woman.
Universe, you took away my boobs, and now you are taking away baby making abilities and to top that off, you are taking my hair. WTF??!!!
P.S. Went back to duke today because I have all this fluid built up since my drain was removed too soon. She had to stick a needle in my boob graveyard (I'm not gonna lie, this is clever and made me laugh, i crack myself up sometimes) and suck it out. It didn't hurt so much, but was really weird feeling. I will probably have to have this done again soon. I'm really tired of going to duke.
You may be loosing the ability to make your own child. But that doesn't mean that you're loosing the ability to pass on who you are. Genetics are just genetics. Children learn from those around them and adopt the traits of those they love. Any child lucky enough to be in your life will forever carry a little bit of your strength and beauty wether they come from your DNA or not.
ReplyDeleteWow. Thanks Jonathan.
ReplyDeleteI second what Jonathan said.
ReplyDeleteMy personal choice was to not reproduce, and I don't feel guilty about it in any way, shape or form. You don't need to be biologically redundant to make a lasting difference in the world during your lifetime.
I know I speak for many when I say you have made an idelible mark for so many reasons. Continuing good thoughts for your ongoing recovery!
For what it's worth, I don't think it's selfish at all (but then again, I feel you on the "babies, eh, not for me..." thing!).
ReplyDeleteYeah, word, Jonathan. Dang, who knew you were so eloquent and shit?
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for the shout-out, M.
I don't know Jonathan who posted above, but he's completely right. Mel, you are such a funny, wonderful, unique person, that any child would be lucky to be raised by you. You have so much to give and share. Once again, thank you for being so open and sharing so much of yourself with everyone who reads this blog. I don't always comment, but know that I read each post and think about you everyday.
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